According to  Psychologist John Gottman, there are four(4) damaging  behaviour that could ruin any relationship:

     1. Criticize your partner as much as you can. Do it as harshly as you can

     2. Whenever you are being criticized, be as defensive as possible. Ignore what your partner says and point out his/her own faults.

      3. Be contemptuous of your partner with sarcasm, mockery and abuses

      4. Ignore conflicts. Go out of the house  to your friends or drinking joints whenever  a conflict ensues at home. 

 

These behaviours  are decidedly destructive and no relationship can survive with them. When partners talk about “hellish”  relationships  or marriage ,  these are the correlates.  They are spin-offs of communication breakdown and predictive of  separation or even divorce .

 

 

Psychologists have identified seven (7) that, if put into practice, would  make relationships  withstand any stress and enjoyable:

     1. Learn what is important to your partner. ASK ! Ask your partner how  his/her day went; what’s on his/her mind; his hopes and dreams.  You should also focus on positive things you want your partner to do rather than things you do  not  want done.  

      2. Appreciate your partner’s good points. See his or her weaknesses as endearing foibles that can be overcome. Do whatever you can to help your partner rise above his weak points or learn to cope with them. Everybody has weaknesses.  Always admire your partner.  

       3. Spend quality time together.  Do not allow any engagement to abort this practice. 

        4. Let your partner influence you. Work as a team and make joint decisions. 

         5. Solve problems together to achieve a win-win situation.  Try to see problems  from the other person’s  perspective and always  arrive at a workable compromise. 

          6. However, some problems are intractable  and a compromise may be far-fetched.  In this wise, engage in dialogue  and agree to adopt  the solution  suggested by one of  you and implement the solution jointly.  At all times, always avoid a gridlock. 

          7. Create shared meaning. Define family values and culture that override  any individual preferences.  These values should be fulcrum  for  raising  children in the  family. There must be unity of purpose because a divided house will collapse   sooner rather than later.